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| Where are the condiments? What's a severed arm without vinegarette dressing? |
Plot: A guy in a white undershirt (aka wife beater, dago tee, etc.) And jorts ( jean shorts) has writer's block. So throughout the night he looks through his apartment for some inspiration. He then pens his masterpiece into 3 separate stories.
The first is about a woman who loves men (she makes sure to say this a few times). Loves to eat is more like it. After luring men into the Holiday inn express, she seduces them, and then eats them. Unfortunately for one guy, he spots our maneater's reflection in the mirror. What you get is this:
Spiderbeast!!!!!!!!!
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| Win Ben Stein's Hawaiian shirt |
The second story involves a couple of newlyweds who vacation in an empty resort. And they copulate everywhere. Sauna, a jacuzzi I swear I saw in a Motley Crue video, bedroom, on top of rocks, next to the disabled person lift in the swimming pool. Then the hauntings start to occur. Very paranormal activity kinda stuff.
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| Cause I'm hot, young, running free, a little bit better than I use to be.... |
The third story was all over the place. A murderer is on the loose and killing some kids dressed in the same Halloween garb as the teammates from Cobra Kai in "The Karate Kid". The murderer ends up killing the jort wearing author's wife. Aaaahhhh a wraparound episode! Nice.
Redeeming Qualities:
There is a cool Lethal Weapony soundtrack that had me saying to myself " I'm getting too old for this shit" and "RIGGS!"
The death scenes in the last segment were pretty top notch considering the budget.
The acting by the newlywed couple was good. They meshed well together.
Death Count: 8
Best Deaths:
Double eye gouge
Neck snap x2
Piano wire choke
Disemboweling
Boob Count: 3
Odd numbers are great. Did she show only one breast or does she only have one breast? Hhhmmmmmm
Penis Count: 1
Watch of like:
Spider ladies
Soliloquys
Ghost BJ's
The nature channel
Male prostitutes named "Candy"
Austin Powers nudity
Penises close to Chevy Chase
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